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Slump

Desert

Abyss

What properly describes this lack of creative impulse I’m experiencing lately? I made lots of malas and spiders and other beaded creatures in the early Autumn. I have ideas here and there but little motivation to do whatever the thing is. Also, I still have a few of the spiders and malas, so it seems pointless in some self-serving way to make more if the ones I have didn’t sell. I say I don’t make them for profit, but it’s disappointing that they didn’t find new homes. Or something. So then I made several of what I labeled “beaded goatheads” – just little star-shaped beaded ornaments – about an inch in diameter, if that. I was going to sell them, but a couple of people I care about laughed at the idea. I gave them all away, all the bejeweled goatheads. I might make more, for fun, not profit.

Painting looks soothing, and I’ve enjoyed it in the past. Again, I have ideas but when brush touches water, color, and paper, nothing interesting emerges. I like painting. It’s like any skilled hobby, though. I joke that I don’t want to learn to play guitar – I want to already know how to play guitar. Perhaps when I’m off for the holiday weeks I can sit with my brushes and paints and paper and a YouTube guru, and play.

Another day another dollar another hour closer to retirement. I look forward to more down-time to fill with whatever presents itself. Life, of late, is working, dog-walking, yoga-ing, wandering, browsing, worrying, ruminating, recombobulating, daydreaming, and listening to the pitch of intermittent tinnitus. I should:

• Hike
• Draw
• Weight lift
• Have a party
• Bake
• Sing
• Get more sleep
• Stop “shoulding”